wakey wakey hands off snakey
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize