You can't motorboat a personality
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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