Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
