what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
