My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
