We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
