White coat. Heels.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
