Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
