I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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