you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
