Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
