I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
