so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
