He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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