I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
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