Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
