Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
