So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
