i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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