it wasn't lemon gatorade
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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