I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
