the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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