i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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