I'm pants shitting drunk right now
operation have a gay friend backfired
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
