Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
