So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
