I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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