Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
