apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
what day is it and did you see me today?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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