If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
