so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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