sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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