Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize