my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
