Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
