his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
