it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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