I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
