just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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