Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
