ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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