She is in my trunk
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
