I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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