You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
