smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
