If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
