just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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