Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Small penises have feelings too.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize