So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
