its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
