Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
