Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
