Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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