Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
