we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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