Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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