i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
