I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
