I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
