So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
