Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
