please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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