omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
