the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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