Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
