where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
