He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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