O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
