He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
